Blogg #5

Part 1: Discuss verbal and non verbal language. How do you read and interpret each element when communicating. Do you tend to focus on what is coming out of someone’s mouth or how it is said? Why?

Verbal language is what is heard coming from a person’s mouth. It’s the words that a person says. Non verbal language is what I see or feel from a person despite words being said or not said. I don’t hear non verbal communication however I feel non verbal communication. For example, a person can tell me they are bored by saying the words “I am bored”. That same person can also tell me they are bored by using nonverbal communication such as tapping their fingers, yawning, eyes being unfocused and etc. Both forms of communication say the same thing. The nonverbal may be louder not in volume but in impact. I can really see how bored the person is by their actions. As the saying goes “actions speak louder than words”.

I usually read more into a person’s non verbals as opposed to verbals. Sometimes the verbals lie but the non verbals usually tell the truth. I can tell a person that I am not tired but my yawning can tell you otherwise.

If I do chose to focus on the verbals as opposed to the non verbals, I look at how a person said something as opposed to focusing on what a person said. A nice remark isn’t a nice remark if it’s not said in a nice way. Screaming “have a nice day” then hanging the phone up on me isn’t nice. Despite the remark itself being a nice one if it isn’t nicely put then it’s not nice. I tend to focus on the how something is said before the what it said.

Part 2: What does it mean to truly listen? Discuss the importance of listening, verbal and non verbal language when communicating.

To truly listen means to take the time to hear what person is trying to say. It means to genuinely take in what a person is saying. Let it affect you. It also means that you are not talking. It is impossible to talk and listen at the same time. So to truly listen, the listener is quiet. Not thinking of a response but rather taking in all that the person who is talking has to say.

Listening is important. It is the only way one can formulate an authentic response. If I am not listening to what you are saying I can answer, respond, deduce or even have an opinion. One can have an opinion or a reaction to something that they have not totally heard and let affect them.

 Verbal and non verbal communications are both important because both are helpful in telling the story. If asked someone to tell me what they did today, the total of both forms of communication is what tells me really how there day was. The words tell most of the story but the eye movements, hand movements and voice inflection all are additives that help communicate the bottom line.

extra credit

My Day Yesterday

Today I am tired. I am so happy that Monday is my day off. I don’t think I could go to work today if I was paid all the money in the world. The reason why I am so tired today Monday March 21, 2011 is because I had a marathon day yesterday. It was long but worth every minute it.

As mentioned in an earlier blog, I am a minister. I am a product of the African American church experience. Sundays are exciting days in my life. They are days filled with family, friends, good preaching, good singing, and good godly communications.  My day started yesterday attending a church service at my friend’s church at 7:30 in the morning. Her father is the pastor and she wanted me to hear her father preach. His sermon was awesome. It was just what I needed to hear to start the morning.

From there, I went to my own church. Although I wasn’t attending a church service at my church on yesterday, I still had to check on some things from a ministerial perspective. I had to check on the Sunday school classes, make sure the youth under my watch were in attendance and finally check my youth minister’s mailbox. From there, I raced off to catch a quick breakfast. I then attended a church service at my mother’s church. This service started at 11 am. I arrived at her church just in time. I promised my mother that I would attend her church on this day because it was a Sunday celebrating the youth members and I wanted to be there to support her. So I did. I was also asked to preach without notice. I was not scheduled to preach but I was prepared to preach as I have learned to always be prepared as minister to give the people of God some good news. I presented the word that God had for me to present and it was good.  The people were receptive. They “amen-ed” me just when I needed it.

I then caught a quick lunch and then head home. I had to rush home because I promised a friend that I would accompany her to Jacksonville for yet another church service at 6 pm. We arrived in Jacksonville at 6:15 pm. It was a wonderful service. It truly blessed me. The service was an anniversary service for the pastor of a big church in Jacksonville, Florida. This was the loudest and most energetic church experience I have ever had. I have had some pretty energetic experiences in the past put this I cannot put into words.  The lady sitting next to me in church was literally within inches of slapping me while shouting in the spirit. The preacher was Pastor Jamal H. Bryant. He is a big name preacher form Baltimore, Maryland. He is pretty much taking the black church by storm. This is the first time I heard Pastor Bryant preach in person. I have youtubed him a million times but never have I heard him in person. He presents a mighty word. Let’s just say his communication skills are pretty much flawless. Yesterday, was a long day but one that I enjoyed and would do all over again if I had to… after some much needed rest of course.

Blogg #4

Part 1: How has your ability to communicate changed over time?

It took maturity to realize that effective communication was vital. I learned this especially as an adult and more importantly in relationships. I was probably not a good communicator until two distinctive things happened in my life 1. I was in my first real relationship and 2. I became a father. Before these two events I communicated with little effectiveness. I said what I needed to say to just bare scrape by and that was it. I didn’t communicate with much detail in any area of my life as child. I have never been one to be detailed in conversation, responses, emotions or directions. This changed when I was in my first real relationship. It was very important to me that my girlfriend at the time realized when she hurt me or when I thought she was incorrect. The only way she would be able to know these things is if I told her. . . . effectively. I learned that I could not hold her responsible for something that I didn’t effectively communicate. So in an effort to not have my feelings hurt or to be misunderstood in our relationship, I began to talk and talk and talk to some more. Although our relationship didn’t last, it proved to be a good foundation and good practice for relationships to come.

Also I learned as a father that children cannot read your mind. They must be told of your expectations and the difference between right and wrong. Non verbal communication does not usually work with small children. I had to be able talk and reprimand my children when needed. So when I became a father, I quickly learned this communication trait was of the utmost importance to me. It was also important to me that my children respected my authority. They were able to do this by how and what I communicated to them.

Part 2: How has your method of communication changed over time?

As mentioned in part one, my communication has become more verbal as I aged. I used to answer questions from teachers and my parents with just enough information to get them to leave me alone. As an adult, I have learned that the more information I communicate the better the response from others. I talk more now. I send dozens of text messages a day. I constantly communicate with people via email. 5 years ago that was nonexistent in my life. Also I have a facebook page that I update every once and awhile.  I add pictures. I also sometimes post what’s going on in my life. With the aid of this social networking site, I update 200 people at time. 10 years ago there was no such thing as mass email or mass texting or updating your status for the entire world to see. So when I was a child, if I wanted someone to know I was having a bad day I would have to tell a person that by the spoken word. Today I can tell everyone I know by just sending a text, an update or an email. Wow, times have changed.